Express, er, I mean, expose yourself

I'm not going to say who, but some sports star recently was accused of exposing himself to a woman.

I just want to say that I have never exposed myself. I can't imagine how drunk I would have to be, or hopped on the stuff to think that that would be a good idea.

Ladies, does that work, ever?

I know that there are some really good looking guys out there and they can do just about anything to get the girls, but isn't the exposing yourself the ultimate Hail Mary?

"I need to have sex let me show you my penis! Look at it! Seeing it will make you have sex with me!"

And the thing is, it must work sometimes.

Happy Valentimes Day!

Kurt

A Riddle Wrapped in a Mystery Plastered with All-Day Hold Hair Spray

Justin Bieber may be the hot young thing, but I can't manage to get past his hair. I'm as confused by his coif as I am by Donald Trump's.



I don't understand. A combustion engine makes more sense to me.

there. I'm officially a grumpy old man.
gretch

Right?

These Tea Partiers are aware that they’re seen as illiterate morons by an overwelming majority of the country right?

Illiterate, racist, homophobic, short-sided, narrow-minded, inbred morons…right? Perhaps I care too much about what other people think of me, but if the majority of the country thought that I was a moonshine-swilling, white supremacist I think I might stay home when the next Evite showed up in my inbox. These Tea Partiers are fucking assholes, right? Right? I mean, we all know it, right? They have to kind of know it too, right?

Right?
gretch

Forget

Maybe someone has already thought of this, but don't you think it would be an interesting story if your main character only had like 200 memories? And that was all that they got?

I know that they kind of do that in Blade Runner but maybe that would be expanded upon. I may be walking down Harlan Ellison's story street, and if that is the case I'll cross over to Maple Street.

I'm sure that we all would like to forget something's.

I know that I've forgotten a lot of punctuation stuff from school, and I've forgotten people's names, and also what I went into the kitchen for.

I'll let you know if I do anything with this.

Kurt

Hmf

Well, what do you know. Something we don't understand is happening gashillions of light years away. There are unusual radio waves being emitted from something we think might be a black hole, but it's unlike anything that's ever been seen before.


STRANGE WAVES

The comments are better than anything I could come up with here.

Also, a mysterious fireball was reported across the Midwestern sky.

FIREBALL

I'm a little encouraged by this news....it could very well be I don't need to worry about getting a job anymore. And THAT, my friends, is how it is to look at the bright side.

Jenny

Adventures on the 704: Part 2

This young man delighted us all with his off-key, off-color freestyle rapping this morning.


His lyrics were somewhat limited, consisting mostly of mutherfuckers and sons-of-bitches and pussies. But my favorite was a piece entitled “Your Ride,” a fifteen-minute epic made up of only those two words.

I was lucky enough to have him sit down next to me shortly after this picture was taken (I was worried that he’d somehow seen me taking it, but he didn’t let on if he did).
He asked my name.
He asked what my book was about.
For a split second I considered letting myself fall into a conversation with this guy, no doubt he had an interesting story. But we were only at Sepulveda and I wasn’t convinced I could make it 26 blocks without it getting weird. So I continued to read, pretending my iPod was too loud to hear his questions. He returned to his rapping.

Guess who was a little surprised she didn’t get shived on the way out the bus doors?
gretch

Fancy Feasting

I'm a guilty everything. I'm a guilty meat eater, for example. I feel bad about the space I require on the planet, my footprint, my greedy consumption of air. So it doesn't take much for me to feel even worse about something. Just look at me askance, and I'll head down the shame spiral with no further urging.

I feed my cats Fancy Feast. It's a long story, and basically has to do with keeping Louise (the diabetic cat) happy and eating, so I can give her insulin. And how the others want what she gets, and anyway, it's a slippery slope to the place where everyone has a sub-par diet.

There are more of them than I planned on. That's fine, but it reduces the total amount of money I can pour on the being-a-good cat-mom problem. Louise's latest lymphoma diagnosis cost $1800 and no doubt I'm exacerbating the condition with the Fancy Feast. Yesterday I was purchasing 48 of the annoyingly small cans when the manager of the pet-food store looked at me askance.

"How many cats do you have?"

"Well, four. This isn't my first choice, I certainly wouldn't have chosen anything that came in these little tiny cans...but..."

I trailed off, mumbling about diabetes and how there are more cats than I'd planned on. She pointedly told me that her cat was borderline-diabetic and was simply thriving on the Weruva brand, and how she'd go get me a couple of cans to transition with. And she did. Her disdain for my caregiving was palpable. So I paid for my stash (which won't last a single week) and her recommended cans and left.

Now I'm staring at these two cans and I'm feeling resentful. I didn't realize it at the time but I've looked at this food before for the cats, and it's substantially more expensive than the FF, despite their teensy vessels. Which is saying something. Yes, it's ALL NATURAL, and boasts the warning on the label that your cat's lives may very well be increased to TEN. Ha ha. But a quick google (I'm just kidding - there's no such thing) will reveal that every cat food is sub-par, unless you want to feed them a raw diet of mice and birds, or put your own raw diet together at home. Almost every food on the market is actively detrimental to the health of the cat, and any points I gain for AT LEAST feeding wet instead of dry (aka, the devil incarnate), are lost since I also provide a dry kibble, to help stretch the billion cans I have to buy each week. Which, though I recycle, makes me feel bad for the earth.

I feel like I should say this: I HAVE tried the other foods. Wellness, Evo, Before Grains, none of them passed Louise's sniff test.

Here's what this morning's research has brought me"

• Fishy foods are worse for them than muscle meats.
• Muscle meats should be higher in proportion to organ meats.
• By-products are bad.
• Canned is always preferable to dry, because of the relative water consumption.
• Grain free is best, since cats are obligate carnivores.
• All the fruits and veggies they show you on the label are healthy for people, not cats. Cats don't give a crap about the anti-oxidants blueberries provide to their owners.
• The nutritional information is wholly inadequate - you need to call the company and ask for the numbers "as fed." They are completely different, and only with them can you do the proper math to see how much you suck.
  
• The forums discuss "Biologically Appropriate Raw-Food" Diet, which is shortened (and I'm not making this up) to BARF. You really need to be feeding your cat a BARF diet.

Jenny (and Louise, Ozzie, Mr. Rochester and Yard Kitty.)

Too More Things