Adventures on the 704

Oh great, Gretchen's talking about how much she likes taking the bus again. I know, I know, but maybe there's someone out there who I haven't told. So here goes. I take the bus to work when I can (i.e. when it's convenient for me), maybe once or twice a week. Ninety percent of the time it's heaven. I get tons of time to read, I get a credit at work for being a part-time clean commuter and it gives me that warm, tingly feeling of liberal superiority because I am single-handedly saving the planet.

Can you guess what the remaining unpleasant ten percent is made up of?

It’s not the tardiness of the express chariot (come on, it’s LA, everything/everyone is at least 15 minutes late). It’s not drunken, urine-soaked madmen. It’s cell phones. Let me clarify, because often I’m accused of disliking children and dogs when in reality its certain parents and dog-owners I loathe. Similarly, it’s not the cell phones’ fault, it’s their operators. Number one complaint about riding the bus…a-holes on their cell phones.

Last night it was this one…


It was amazing to me, and those around me, how unnecessarily loud she was talking on her phone. Is the guy next to her feigning sleep or is he desperately trying to stifle his rage at having such a horrible creature sit down next to him?

That book she has on her lap, it’s Glenn Beck’s “Arguing With Idiots.” I can’t imagine she was reading it to be ironic. I don’t even have proof that she can read, because she was jawing on her phone the whole time. Here are just a couple of the highlights I was able to catch even though my iPod was turned up to eleven. I ask that you please read the following aloud as if you were talking over a leaf-blower in order to get the desired effect:

“You saying ‘who cares’ when I tell you something doesn't make me feel good.” I suspect that whoever was on the other end of the phone was definitely on the right track.

“The good news is that rotisserie chickens are only like five bucks at Ralphs.” I have nothing whatsoever against rotisserie chickens. I just wanted to see if I could spell "rotisserie" without the aid of spell check. I couldn't.

“I'm just going to tell her that we need to mix it up and hire an Asian.” She and her phone companion were plotting to oust their coworker, Cindy. I have to side with Cindy, I mean she's worked with these a-holes for three years.

I am now committed to documenting these creatures, in the new series…

ADVENTURES ON THE 704!!

Happy New Year,
gretch