Objective: To utilize my unique skills to benefit your organization specifically and mankind in general, and to get paid for it, ideally.

I am looking for work. In my dream world, I would write from my home office and for a living wage, though I'm willing to bend on any of this. I would write from your office for next to nothing. I can see cobbling together a living from a number of clients, so I don't need a guarantee of hours, even. This makes me sound somewhat marketable, as do all the categories I fall into, taken in total.

Here are the keywords I employ as I search.

A. First is location:

• Work at home
• Home-based
• Home office
  
• Virtual
• Remote
• Telecommute
• Anywhere
• National

B. Then comes the arrangement:

• Freelance
• Part-time
• Contingent
• Contract

C. Job title could include:

• Copywriter
• Copy Writer
• Copy Editor
• Web Content
  
• Web Editor
• Editor
• Proofreader
  
• Creative Content Writer
• Technical Writer

(Or any of the above with the word "junior" in front).

D. Department/areas to consider, or to have majored in:

• Marketing
• Communications
• Advertising
• Journalism
  
• Creative Services
  

E. Preferred Skills:

• SEO
• SEM
• PPC
• HTML
• B2B
• B2C

Choose any combination of search terms from A, B, C and D, and then, if you actually get any results, hope like hell they don't need any of the things in E. If you've come this far, apply immediately and then, if possible, expect to hear nothing. It will be such a lovely surprise when they contact you. At least, that's what I'm assuming.

Jenny

That's so...

Kurt

Lazy

I know it's been ages since I blogged, and I further realize that this is possibly the laziest return to posting ever. Then again, the photo itself reflects that.

You're welcome,

Jenny

"Yes And!"

Kurt

Fun with black electrical tape

I've been going through a Bruce Lee phase recently, so I used an old yellow sweatshirt, added some black duct tape and voila!

Kurt

Get Ahead

Hollywood Studio Tour only 85 bucks!!

Everyone Knows

Everyone knows that the internet was not created by smart people, or by the military for communications or anything like that.

The internet was created by the mega-industries of Big Cat and Big Ramp.

The multi-billion dollar corporations that make cat food, cat litter, and cat toys and the ramp industry which makes ramps for backyard stunt antics used by bicycles and skateboards alike colluded together to create the internet where their products could be used and seen by billions of people and in turn making themselves very wealthy.

Everyone knows.

Kurt

Meow Meow

I think that says it all...

Kurt

Raccoon

I saw a raccoon tonight as I was doing one of those late night runs to the mailbox. I was taking a letter to the mailbox as I REALLY wanted the letter sent ASAP.

THAT is not what I'm writing about, I want to tell you about the raccoon. He/she was walking across the street ahead of me and stopped as I arrived at the mailbox. Luckily there was no traffic and he just stood there looking at me as if to say, "You had to mail a letter at 12:30am? C'mon. I was going to the dumpster on that side of the street."

I told the raccoon I was sorry but he/she headed off in the direction he/she came from.

I'll probably run into he/she tomorrow night as I arrive home at midnight. He'll be on the porch eating the cats' food and he/she'll hiss at me and scare the crap out of me.

I saw a raccoon tonight.

Kurt

Nerd Safety

As I was walking by my local nerd store today called Gamestop, I couldn't help but notice the hours of operation. Sunday, Monday... closed, Tuesday thru Saturday 1-8pm. Lunch is from 2-3:30.

That is a sweet business they've got going there. All the nerds show up and are in a safety bubble where no one would want to go and harm them.

But I can't get over those business hours.

How do they stay in business?

Kurt

No Shirt, No Service

I saw a photo on the internet of Matthew McConaughey running in Malibu with his shirt off.

I showed my friend and she said, "You run with your shirt off don't you?"

"NO! Never in a million years." I replied. As they say, that is a privilege, not a right.

Just so you know, you will see my running, but not shirtless.

Kind of like Katherine Heigl doing a sex scene wearing a bra.

Kurt

One Week In

How are the resolutions going so far? That's my question for today's Week One Wrap-Up Meeting with myself.

The answer is, pretty well, thanks. It helps that my number one resolution is "Go Easy On Yourself." But I think I'm even objectively on a pretty good path. The house could be neater, sure, and yes, it's 1:30 in the afternoon and I've yet to get showered and dressed. But to be fair, those weren't on the resolution list.

I have been trying to take care of One Annoying Thing each day, and that's working out pretty well. Today I get to call the doctor about the five separate bills I've received for varying amounts. And I will have to do yesterday's annoying thing to get back on track, which is to figure out why the DBA I tried to set up more than a year ago never did get set up. I can hardly wait to feel good about having done that.

On a side note, I don't know if I've ever been this pleased, or this optimistic so early on that a yearly appointment calendar will really help me to be wonderful. The vertical format, as you know, is vitally important, but I'm surprised to note how helpful the printed times, in 15 minute increments, are proving to be. The only drawback is that they only go (for space reasons, presumably,) to 7:45 pm. It's a shame I won't be able to do stuff at night anymore. But still, very pleased. I like that there is a whole day for each of the weekend days. That's rare. Also, a whole notes column for each week. And I can't say enough about the tabbed monthly views.

What were we talking about, again?

Jenny

Dreamin'

I had the most wonderful dream last night. I was at a crazy outdoor art show in Chicago, full of oversized paintings by Willem de Kooning. Everything was bright and vibrant, and there was sawdust on the ground. It was like the most beautiful fair you could ever imagine.



I was there with my boss. No, no, no, it was good, you guys. We walked among the paintings and she told me how much she appreciated all the work I’ve done over the years. And how grossly underpaid I’d been the entire time I'd worked for her. I woke up wanting to sweep her into a long, loving embrace. Strange.

After blow-drying my hair I saw I had a voicemail from the very same boss. The message had her patented passive aggression and I knew that I could anticipate being literally thrown under a metaphorical bus by lunchtime.

Yeah, that’s more like it.

gretch

Spiderman, the Musical

I've been reading the stuff about Spiderman on Broadway and all of the problems that the show has been having.... and I have some advice for the people putting on the show...

You're not doing a Broadway play, what you're doing is a stunt show. Yes, it is two-hours long and has a lot of singing but when it comes down to brass tacks, you're doing a stunt show.

Fly out here and catch Waterworld at Universal Studios theme park and bring a notepad to take notes.

Kurt