Sleep Foibles

It's true that I can sleep almost anywhere. Planes, trains, automobiles. Loud rock concerts in small venues. Yes, for those of you who were at Graffiti in Pittsburgh, circa 1990, and you remember a fetching young woman in the only available seat, who had been given (since she was the only one seated) responsibility for the stack of coats belonging to the members of her party, you may recall that despite the incredibly loud music, and the extremely small room, that she put her head down on said coats and fell asleep. That was me, and they were the Los Lobos, as I recall, though it wasn't the only time it happened. This was without a drop of alcohol, mind you. I like to blame the smokey air, which required the closing of my eyes in the first place. But I just know how to shut down. Or rather, I shut down whether I want to or not. Frankly, I avoid napping if I can, because I wake up like a hungry grizzly bear if it's too short, and who can say how long is enough if one is asleep?

Doctors like to ask how you're sleeping because usually it's an important factor if you are say, hypothetically speaking, regulating medications. But my sleep isn't really a consideration, because I can do it no matter what's going on.

Given a choice, I prefer my own bed, which has a within-warranty comfy mattress and a heavy duvet. I have two tempurpedic "memory foam" pillows of varying heights, and between them, a squishy pillow, so I choose according to my mood. I will often eschew all three options to sleep flat on my back, but with my face flanked closely on both sides by a pillow. (Imagine the adorable wackiness!) I sleep all over the bed, and most often have two cats for company, and manage somehow not to dislodge them. As evidenced by the above story, I have no need for these things in order to sleep, but to sleep well, to fall asleep quickly, and to wake up refreshed, I need the bed as described, along with a few other things. Ahem:

• The Sheets Must Be Orderly - for reals, I can't sleep unless they are neat. I had a memorable discussion with my husband regarding this. He'd made up the bed with fresh sheets, something he didn't do often, and I insulted him by straightening them. He thought I was criticizing him and I thought he was picking a fight so that he'd never have to put fresh sheets on the bed again. Honestly, what's so hard about doing something in the way that you know the person you say you love needs the thing to be done? Am I crazy? It's the little things, People. If you're going to throw around phrases like, "I'd do anything for you," then for the love of Pete, mean them.
  
• I Must Be Clothed - if I'm not, my dreams all end with whomever it is (librarians, nazis, what have you) rushing into my bedroom and finding me naked.
  
• I Have Specific Clothing Needs - if it's cold enough, I'll climb in with long pants and socks on, but once warm, They Must Go. My ideal is shorts and a big t-shirt, but that's only because the right pajama sets are very hard to find. I did find some recently and stocked up - they are cotton, short sleeve top and shorts sets, with a V-neck, which is vitally important. See below.
  
• Nothing Can Touch My Neck - see above. I don't know why, but if even the sheets land across my neck, there's no way. I don't wear many necklaces or turtleneck shirts for this reason, or for very long on the few occasions that I do wear them. Seriously, I feel like someone is trying to strangle me.
  
• My Toes Must Have Access to One Another - I do a toe-hook/rhythmic movement thing to put myself to sleep, which probably sounds gross but I assure you is adorable. Here's where socks are unacceptable.
  

All this aside, one of my greatest skills is waking up when necessary. I'm not a light sleeper, and indeed, my husband often turned the tv on in the bedroom when he couldn't sleep, and it didn't bother me in the least. However, a light tap from a kitteh paw, or a noise that Shouldn't Be, will get me fully awake in a matter of nanoseconds. It's like Mr. Sandman only lets in the important stuff. And in excellent news, once the issue is resolved, he helps me fall right back to sleep, no issues or problems (as long as all of the above is still true.)

So. There you have it. I don't know why.

Jenny