I think this says it all...
Kurt
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Hair Balls at Dawn
At about 5:40 this morning, I awoke to the sound of a cat preparing to vomit. It's a distinctive sound, one that strikes fear in the heart of many a cat owner. But in this case, the cat in question was just a few inches from my head. She's taken to sleeping on one of the memory foam pillows on the bed, and since I'm not really in charge, I let her. I feel terrible about this, but when I heard The Sound, I scootched her off the bed, mid-vomit-prep. Which can't have been fun for her, but I figure she was throwing up one way or another and it wouldn't do her a bit of good if I also had to wrestle the duvet cover off and do an impromptu load of laundry.
Aside:
For some reason, the prospect of laundering the bedding will cause me act irrationally. Or, well, irrationally to some. I think it's just good thinking. For instance, years ago, when my little dog got to his feet in the middle of the night, stepped over my body, and started with the walk and noise that heralded vomiting, and I had just that day done the sheets and blankets, well, I tell you, I "caught" it in my own hands rather than have to do that all again. And there are those times - plenty of them - when the pet in question gives you no warning whatsoever. So, I do what I can. And this time, I scootched her off. But I digress.
Yard Kitty commenced yakking. Both the little girl cats do a three-part yak, so I was not surprised when that's just what she did. Dozing a little longer, I was surprised awake by a rare-but-not-unheard-of fourth yak. This, along with the time elapsed since her last meal, led me to believe that she was working a hair ball, and I hoped, as I drifted off once more, that that would be the end of that.
Reader, I cannot find the fourth yak. I can't say I've looked everywhere, but I have given the house a good going over, and it remains a mystery. I am trying to believe I just imagined the extra bout, but I'm not typically that lucky and have no reason to believe the winds have changed on that.
So. There you go.
Treading carefully,
Jenny
Aside:
For some reason, the prospect of laundering the bedding will cause me act irrationally. Or, well, irrationally to some. I think it's just good thinking. For instance, years ago, when my little dog got to his feet in the middle of the night, stepped over my body, and started with the walk and noise that heralded vomiting, and I had just that day done the sheets and blankets, well, I tell you, I "caught" it in my own hands rather than have to do that all again. And there are those times - plenty of them - when the pet in question gives you no warning whatsoever. So, I do what I can. And this time, I scootched her off. But I digress.
Yard Kitty commenced yakking. Both the little girl cats do a three-part yak, so I was not surprised when that's just what she did. Dozing a little longer, I was surprised awake by a rare-but-not-unheard-of fourth yak. This, along with the time elapsed since her last meal, led me to believe that she was working a hair ball, and I hoped, as I drifted off once more, that that would be the end of that.
Reader, I cannot find the fourth yak. I can't say I've looked everywhere, but I have given the house a good going over, and it remains a mystery. I am trying to believe I just imagined the extra bout, but I'm not typically that lucky and have no reason to believe the winds have changed on that.
So. There you go.
Treading carefully,
Jenny
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Please just don't...
I have a pretty big James Franco crush right now…well, ever since Pineapple Express really. Shortly after, I found Acting with James Franco on funnyordie.com. Then Eric got Freaks and Geeks for Christmas so we plowed through it in about a week just before a friend lent me a screener of Milk. I mean, how could I not be crushing on the guy? My greatest fear is that he’s an a-hole on par with Jeremy Piven and the rest of those Entourage douche-bags, and if I advertise my Franco crush then someone will come forward to confirm his a-hole status.
It never fails, whenever I open my mouth about liking a certain actor or actress someone will pipe up with a story about how so-and-so only left a 7% tip at Cobras and Matadors or how it was overheard that whatshername loudly berated a shoe salesman at Nordstrom. Why is it incidents of bad celebrity behavior seem to outnumber the good by a considerable margin? Why is it that simple smiles and “thank you's” and eye contact from celebrities counts as proof that “ommigawd, you guys, blahblah is soooo nice.” And more importantly, WHY DO I CARE? I don’t know any of these people, chances are I never will know any of these people so why do I care if they’re dickheads? I have no idea…but I do care, so please don’t tell me if you saw Franco throw an In-and-Out burger wrapper out the window of his Hummer while running a red light on his way to a Palin fundraiser with a baby grizzly bear head on his shoulder…please just don’t.
dammit, I knew it!
gretch
It never fails, whenever I open my mouth about liking a certain actor or actress someone will pipe up with a story about how so-and-so only left a 7% tip at Cobras and Matadors or how it was overheard that whatshername loudly berated a shoe salesman at Nordstrom. Why is it incidents of bad celebrity behavior seem to outnumber the good by a considerable margin? Why is it that simple smiles and “thank you's” and eye contact from celebrities counts as proof that “ommigawd, you guys, blahblah is soooo nice.” And more importantly, WHY DO I CARE? I don’t know any of these people, chances are I never will know any of these people so why do I care if they’re dickheads? I have no idea…but I do care, so please don’t tell me if you saw Franco throw an In-and-Out burger wrapper out the window of his Hummer while running a red light on his way to a Palin fundraiser with a baby grizzly bear head on his shoulder…please just don’t.
dammit, I knew it!
gretch
Thursday, February 19, 2009
RIP KLSX
97.1 FM, I'm listening to the Tim Conway Jr. show right now and they're about to come back from a commercial break for their last segment ever. This makes me sad.
I moved here from New York and was a Howard listener and was happy to be able to hear Howard here in LA. As I have said in a previous post, I listen to a lot of talk radio, and I have spent a lot of time on this station.
I hope that many of the people on the station get new jobs and I'll be able to listen to them locally, or maybe they will be on the internet and I'll listen to them that way.
One of the favorite things I heard on this station was when Brian Whitman had to go to the bathroom (he would only use the bathroom at his home in the Valley) and he was on the cellphone so the radio audience could listen the whole way. As he drove he would tell people what intersections that he would cross and what traffic delays he was dealing with as he raced home.
A chapter is closing.
But seriously, what the #*%$ am I supposed to listen to on Monday! I'll have to replace it with something.
As soon as I find something I'll let you, kind reader, know.
RIP KLSX
sniff
Kurt
I moved here from New York and was a Howard listener and was happy to be able to hear Howard here in LA. As I have said in a previous post, I listen to a lot of talk radio, and I have spent a lot of time on this station.
I hope that many of the people on the station get new jobs and I'll be able to listen to them locally, or maybe they will be on the internet and I'll listen to them that way.
One of the favorite things I heard on this station was when Brian Whitman had to go to the bathroom (he would only use the bathroom at his home in the Valley) and he was on the cellphone so the radio audience could listen the whole way. As he drove he would tell people what intersections that he would cross and what traffic delays he was dealing with as he raced home.
A chapter is closing.
But seriously, what the #*%$ am I supposed to listen to on Monday! I'll have to replace it with something.
As soon as I find something I'll let you, kind reader, know.
RIP KLSX
sniff
Kurt
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
To Do Haiku
To do list includes
Target, bank and library
Tomorrow? Perhaps.
Balance the checkbook
Needs doing, but so does this:
Check status updates.
Took a nap today
Should get some things done 'round here
My hair is a mess.
You say I'm cheating.
What's it to you if I am?
Go get your own blog.
Jenny
Target, bank and library
Tomorrow? Perhaps.
Balance the checkbook
Needs doing, but so does this:
Check status updates.
Took a nap today
Should get some things done 'round here
My hair is a mess.
You say I'm cheating.
What's it to you if I am?
Go get your own blog.
Jenny
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
How do you say “wanna see my fish tank?” in Greek?
In preparation for my upcoming trip I’ve been diligently working on my Greek language exercises during my morning commute. Listen and repeat, listen and repeat, working on my accent and inflection, trying to commit to memory important and useful phrases. Below is part of lesson number six in the Pimsleur Modern Greek series (I’ve given you the phonetic pronunciation should you want to follow along)…
Hello, miss.
Hee aird etay, thespamees.
Hello, sir.
Hee aird etay, kideeay.
Would you like something to eat?
Thathelahtay nafahti cahti?
No, I wouldn’t like something to eat but I’d like something to drink.
Ohee thentha-eethela nafow cahti ala tha-eethela npew cahti.
Where would you like to go for a drink?
Poo thathelahtay npeetay cahti?
I don’t know.
Thenkzero.
My place?
Speetee moo?
Yes, your place.
Nay, speetee sass.
Um…uh…is it me or is lesson six all about flirting with and then accepting an invitation from a strange man to go back to his apartment for a nightcap? I haven’t even learned how to ask “how much does this cost?” or “where’s the bathroom?” but I know just enough to start a torrid R-rated-Sisterhood-of-the-Traveling-Pants-type affair with Stavros the fisherman or Apollo the archeologist. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yeah, I thought so…” Look out, Greece, I’m gonna make sweet, sweet love to you.” That was what you were thinking, right?
Adiosos,
Gretch
Hello, miss.
Hee aird etay, thespamees.
Hello, sir.
Hee aird etay, kideeay.
Would you like something to eat?
Thathelahtay nafahti cahti?
No, I wouldn’t like something to eat but I’d like something to drink.
Ohee thentha-eethela nafow cahti ala tha-eethela npew cahti.
Where would you like to go for a drink?
Poo thathelahtay npeetay cahti?
I don’t know.
Thenkzero.
My place?
Speetee moo?
Yes, your place.
Nay, speetee sass.
Um…uh…is it me or is lesson six all about flirting with and then accepting an invitation from a strange man to go back to his apartment for a nightcap? I haven’t even learned how to ask “how much does this cost?” or “where’s the bathroom?” but I know just enough to start a torrid R-rated-Sisterhood-of-the-Traveling-Pants-type affair with Stavros the fisherman or Apollo the archeologist. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yeah, I thought so…” Look out, Greece, I’m gonna make sweet, sweet love to you.” That was what you were thinking, right?
Adiosos,
Gretch
Friday, February 13, 2009
A Duck in the Desert
Everyone has written a book for children it seems. And it seems that everyone needs to go on the Today Show to talk about a book they wrote for children.
Well, here is my book for children and I'm going to write it in less than 2 minuntes...
Here we go...
There once was a duck who lived in a desert. He had no friends and no water, and every silly person knows ducks love water. So the duck flew away from the desert. While in the air he saw people living together and being kind to each other. Soon he found a giant pond with many other ducks that looked just like him. And our duck made many friends and was happy.
How bl**ping hard was that!?
Kurt
Well, here is my book for children and I'm going to write it in less than 2 minuntes...
Here we go...
There once was a duck who lived in a desert. He had no friends and no water, and every silly person knows ducks love water. So the duck flew away from the desert. While in the air he saw people living together and being kind to each other. Soon he found a giant pond with many other ducks that looked just like him. And our duck made many friends and was happy.
How bl**ping hard was that!?
Kurt
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Heart U
I'm looking at Valentine's Day from a whole new angle this year, and that's okay. I had it pretty good for a while, and I'm not a greedy person. But I do get a little frustrated by the vitriol around the whole "it's a Hallmark holiday" thing. I get it. This was made up by someone a while back to sell greeting cards, you're not wrong about that. But it's too late to decry its existence. It's too big, it's too far gone.
Also, you sound like a putz. In my experience, the people griping about having to buy flowers on Valentine's are the people who never, ever brought home even one random bouquet for no reason at all, I mean not once since last February 15th. And if that's the case, then you need to suck it up and buy something shiny.
The same goes for the whole argument about the winter holidays and how people should be more giving year round, and not just at the holidays. Agreed, let's do that. By all means. But if and until, let's take what we can get, shall we?
Have fun with your set menus, people. Again, you wouldn't have to prove anything if there wasn't anything to prove.
Luv,
Jenny
Also, you sound like a putz. In my experience, the people griping about having to buy flowers on Valentine's are the people who never, ever brought home even one random bouquet for no reason at all, I mean not once since last February 15th. And if that's the case, then you need to suck it up and buy something shiny.
The same goes for the whole argument about the winter holidays and how people should be more giving year round, and not just at the holidays. Agreed, let's do that. By all means. But if and until, let's take what we can get, shall we?
Have fun with your set menus, people. Again, you wouldn't have to prove anything if there wasn't anything to prove.
Luv,
Jenny
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The Points of No Return
I’m a little embarrassed by how many frequent flier/buyer/shopper cards I have. I’m totally obsessed with points. Really it’s an obsession with free stuff because points are pretty much intangible. But the truth is I’m like Scrooge McDuck with my points, hording them away and carefully counting and recounting and making charts and tabulating and calculating how many points it would take to earn a free flight/night/rental/gift card/order of garlic knots. I break it down and it’s even worse than I first feared…
Where did it all start? With the airlines of course: United and Alaska and Frontier and Delta. Also, Northwestern, which I’ve never flown. I have the most miles through American, most of which were earned because of major delays and other fuckups which doesn’t really engender one to want to continue accumulating miles through that airline. I see the game you’re playing, American, nice try.
Amtrack…Amtrack, people! Ask yourself how many times you’ve been on a train in the U.S. ever in your life. Right. Can you believe that Amtrack as a frequent rider’s card? I have one.
And then there are the hotels, Kimpton, Starwood and Clarion, none of which ever seem to be exactly where I need them to be when I need a bed away from home.
I accumulate points pretty often at the LAX Parking Spot on Sepulveda because I hate asking people for a ride to the airport.
Ralph’s new Reward Card allows me to combine two of my favorite things…point collecting and coupon redemption. I can’t tell you the joy I experience when I accumulate double points while saving fifty cents with my coupon for a Dannon four-pack. The feeling must be similar to that which keeps heroin addicts returning for another hit.
Okay, I actually use my points at Arclight but so rarely go to the movies that it’s pretty much a wash.
The years I go between buying makeup means that my Sephora and Ulta cards will probably gather a great deal of dust.
I registered online with Mama & Papa’s Pizza where you get a free pizza if you order online seven times. I don’t even like their pizza, but I will force myself to moderately enjoy the free one if we ever get it.
I get points with my Banana Republic, Amazon, Citibank and United Mileage Plus cards and then scold myself for putting money on a credit card for fucking points! POINTS!
I am a member of two internet marketing sites that give members points for completing online surveys and those points can be redeemed for airline miles. Points for miles…they might as well be offering me magic beans in return my opinion on Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum or Farmer’s Insurance.
you're only seven hundred and fifty points away from your next reward,
gretchen
Where did it all start? With the airlines of course: United and Alaska and Frontier and Delta. Also, Northwestern, which I’ve never flown. I have the most miles through American, most of which were earned because of major delays and other fuckups which doesn’t really engender one to want to continue accumulating miles through that airline. I see the game you’re playing, American, nice try.
Amtrack…Amtrack, people! Ask yourself how many times you’ve been on a train in the U.S. ever in your life. Right. Can you believe that Amtrack as a frequent rider’s card? I have one.
And then there are the hotels, Kimpton, Starwood and Clarion, none of which ever seem to be exactly where I need them to be when I need a bed away from home.
I accumulate points pretty often at the LAX Parking Spot on Sepulveda because I hate asking people for a ride to the airport.
Ralph’s new Reward Card allows me to combine two of my favorite things…point collecting and coupon redemption. I can’t tell you the joy I experience when I accumulate double points while saving fifty cents with my coupon for a Dannon four-pack. The feeling must be similar to that which keeps heroin addicts returning for another hit.
Okay, I actually use my points at Arclight but so rarely go to the movies that it’s pretty much a wash.
The years I go between buying makeup means that my Sephora and Ulta cards will probably gather a great deal of dust.
I registered online with Mama & Papa’s Pizza where you get a free pizza if you order online seven times. I don’t even like their pizza, but I will force myself to moderately enjoy the free one if we ever get it.
I get points with my Banana Republic, Amazon, Citibank and United Mileage Plus cards and then scold myself for putting money on a credit card for fucking points! POINTS!
I am a member of two internet marketing sites that give members points for completing online surveys and those points can be redeemed for airline miles. Points for miles…they might as well be offering me magic beans in return my opinion on Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum or Farmer’s Insurance.
How many Big Hollywood points do you think I got for this post and do you think I can redeem them for a fajita pita at Chili's?
you're only seven hundred and fifty points away from your next reward,
gretchen
Friday, February 6, 2009
To Kurt from Kurt... Sorry
I'm a big fan of almost anyone named Kurt because most of the time you see Kurt spelled Curt. So I tend to like Kurt Russell and Kurt Warner.
Now, who could not like Kurt Warner and the great story that he has and continues to be? Used to work in a grocery store to 2 time NFL MVP... that is incredible.
So I was conflicted on Sunday when a Kurt had to play my team in the Super Bowl. I love you Kurt, but I'm sorry you gotta go down. Nothing personal. You're a Kurt, I'm a Kurt, we understand each other.
I wish you luck in your future endeavors.
Kurt
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The Cat as a Hat
Louise, my first-born, will occasionally have a bout of what I call "mommy-itis," where she simply can't get close enough. It's heavier than you'd think, and I'm pinned down for as long as she needs me, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It feels so damn cute.
It's a measure of how adorable I think this is that I post a picture of me looking like such hell.
Jenny
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
It's the blanket with sleeves!
Snuggie!
It's the blanket with sleeves! Because traditional blankets trap your hands. Damn those traditional blankets!
Snuggie!
Because the sleeveless blanket is so last millenium.
Snuggie!
The official sleeved-blanket of Hogwarts!
Snuggie!
Worn by Trappist monks everywhere (but mostly in Belgium)!
Snuggie!
Please don't scream at us, we're not members of the KKK.
Snuggie!
Snuggie!
Gretch
It's the blanket with sleeves! Because traditional blankets trap your hands. Damn those traditional blankets!
Snuggie!
Because the sleeveless blanket is so last millenium.
Snuggie!
The official sleeved-blanket of Hogwarts!
Snuggie!
Worn by Trappist monks everywhere (but mostly in Belgium)!
Snuggie!
Please don't scream at us, we're not members of the KKK.
Snuggie!
Snuggie!
Gretch
Monday, February 2, 2009
White Knuckling it
My computer broke this week and it's going to take a week to get that
thing back. Losing my computer has taught me that I have gained
something else... time.
Oh the time I have now to watch NFL Network about the upcoming Super
Bowl, or the time I have to do that volunteer work in Bel Air that is
so fulfilling.
I have told myself that I don't have to check the weather every five
minutes, or I don't have to see what Defamer is saying.
They say my computer will be done and back to me by Tuesday. Let's
hope so. I'm writing this on my FRIENDS' computer and frankly it's
okay, but it's like using a strange toilet.
I don't know where the roll of paper is.
I'll know next week when I get my computer back.
Kurt
thing back. Losing my computer has taught me that I have gained
something else... time.
Oh the time I have now to watch NFL Network about the upcoming Super
Bowl, or the time I have to do that volunteer work in Bel Air that is
so fulfilling.
I have told myself that I don't have to check the weather every five
minutes, or I don't have to see what Defamer is saying.
They say my computer will be done and back to me by Tuesday. Let's
hope so. I'm writing this on my FRIENDS' computer and frankly it's
okay, but it's like using a strange toilet.
I don't know where the roll of paper is.
I'll know next week when I get my computer back.
Kurt
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