I cut a sofa in half

I rented my apartment about a year ago, partially furnished. It was good at the time, since I hadn't yet moved my shih from the Basin of LA up here to the Area of Bay. The furniture was fine for the interim - very 70s - if I wanted to, I could have laid claim to some uber-ironic, retro sensibility that would have made my friends think "man, that dude just gets it." But hey, I'm no phony baloney, so I owned the mediocrity of my semi-furnished furnishings and swung my feet up proudly on my glass and curved wood coffee table until such time as my own, slightly-less-mediocre furniture arrived from points South. Ahhh...

But. Then I had extra couches.

Sure they were great for my bi-annual dinner/screening gathering. Or to hold up my gym bag when I was too tired to drop it on the floor. Bottom line, most of the time my shui was un-fenged. I had a major couch clogging of the living room artery choking off the flow of my joy.

My buddy took the loveseat part of the equation off my hands. But it turns out my landlord had put the security gate on my door after bringing in the 7' white puffy couch with gigantic, shirred arms. So, when we tried to get the big boy through the door it got stuck. Very, very stuck. I know what you're thinking: "I could have got it out of there, you just have to put it up on its side and piv..." well, you're wrong. I've moved most of my friends, at least twice, I kick ass at sofa moving, and this d-bag of a divan going anywhere, ever.

So I cut it in half. It's what my landlord said to do. Heck, he wanted me to do it before I started the whole endeavor. "I've got a saw," he said. "When you're done with the couch, we'll just cut it in half." But I got cocky - it seemed so wasteful - and I jammed the early 80s monstrosity into the steel security gate and left myself no choice. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

So for the last 2 months, I've had two halves of a sofa in the garage with a large pile of overstuffed pillows, waiting for me to get off my a** and call Sunset Scavenger to come bulky item pick them up - and tomorrow around 6 a.m. my dream of a white sofa free home will come to pass. 

If you love something, set it free. If you hate it, get a reciprocal saw, cut it in half, then leave it in your driveway for the dudes in the pickup truck.