In the Spirit

I'm really into Christmas this year. I've already seen the decorations in the mall and just today I was at the fancy outdoor mall which is in preparation for their big holiday celebration on Saturday night. If I drank coffee I would go to Starbucks and get a drink in a holiday cup and watch the tree lighting ceremony.

Just the other day I was driving through Griffith Park and they are putting up their holiday lights which are fun to see too. I have even bought some presents already too.

But I don't want to talk about that right now. Right now I'd like to talk to you about something a little more serious: Erectile Dysfunction. I want to book one of those commercials, be it Viagra or Cialis. I want to be in an erectile dysfunction commercial where I run a heavy crane and I can't get the crane to pick up a car or something huge like an aircraft carrier and I go home and my wife is in bed and I put my hand on her shoulder and she turns away from me and turns out the light. The next morning I take 'the little blue pill' and suddenly the sun is shining brightly and my crane is picking up really heavy stuff like volcanos. I go home with my flannel shirt on and my wife, standing there gets immediately turned on and we go upstairs to the bedroom, and you know, do it.

We could do a whole series of commercials where I'm like Johnny Viagra Seed, prancing around the country planting pills in the hands of men instead of apple seeds in the ground. I'd go to strip clubs, coffee houses, anywhere men are that would need my "help". Everywhere I went (I'd be flying in a giant rocket at least the size of a Saturn V) there would be tweeting birds, happy squirrels, and a jester playing a lute heralding my arrival.

That. That is my Christmas wish for myself.

Kurt