IT'S GONE!

It’s gone, it’s GONE you guys!

Calm down, Gretchen. Take a deep breath and tell us what happened.

The abandoned car in the parking garage – the maroon two-door sedan with Missouri plates, covered in a half inch of dust – it’s gone!

Okay, it’s going to be okay. Just sit down. Can we get you a cup of coffee?

I don’t want your goddamned coffee! I want to find out what happened to the abandoned car!

Why don’t you just take a moment to calm down and tell us what happened.

What happened is that I pulled into the same parking spot I’ve parked in for over three years and my neighbor, the abandoned car, was GONE. Vanished. Just like its owner. Poof, into thin air. Why today? Why now? What made November 11, 2008 different than any other day in the years since that car has been parked there? Is this the change that Barack promised? Chances are, chances are, it was simply towed away…but what if it wasn’t? What if the owner returned from the past to retrieve the car and I wasn’t there to see it? What if he appeared just outside the elevator bay, four and a half years to the day since he accidentally tripped into that worm hole and was transported back to 1953? Four and a half years later the owner reappeared and reached into his pocket to find the key he’d carried with him every day in case today was the day he was going to be sent back. He shielded his eyes from the cloud of dust that erupted as he opened the door to the maroon sedan with Missouri plates. He slid into the driver’s seat, turned the key in the ignition and was surprised when the car purred to life without so much as a hiccup. Smiling, he pulled out of the spot and up the two levels to present day Santa Monica. And I wasn’t there to see it!

But, Gretchen, you said yourself that chances are it was simply towed away, finally.

Sure. Sure, it was probably towed away. Fine. It’s just that, it was…

What?

It’s just that that car was one of my favorite things. And now it’s gone. It’s gone.

You really are a drama queen, Gretch.

Wow.

Can I interest you in that coffee now?

Yeah, I guess. (sigh)