The Green Diary

I don't do the journal thing. I do still have a diary from when I was little. It’s one of those five-year ones with a lock on it, which is attached to the back of the book by what I now see is a paper tab. Not exactly Fort Knox, but it does just a good enough job. I was consumed by a fear that I would lose the key and never be able to get back in. It would never have occurred to me to tear through the tab, though, I can promise you that. I also never wrote anything in it worth locking up. My sister Elena gave it to me the Christmas I was 11, and I want to share a few thoughts from across the years.

January 2: Today was...eh. I played outside and Lisa finished her art project and I wrote a poem about cats. It was boring.
January 3: Today was the first day of school for the New Year. It was boring.
January 4: Today was BORING (ed. note: This is in capitals, with 25 exclamation points.)
January 5: Today was boring also.
January 6: BORING! I don’t have a very interesting life.

This kind of daily checking in becomes too much for me then, and I refrain from recording any diary entries until there’s something really important to say, like on the 6th of February, which was the year anniversary of our cat Pinky’s arrival at our house, and on February 11th, I got a new coat, Valentine’s day, Grandma’s birthday, and so on. On June 2nd, my teacher gave me “another trouble note.” Which is weird, I was a really good kid. But I did hate my 6th grade teacher with the fire of a thousand suns, so maybe that’s not so crazy. He was an a-hole. They must not have meant very much, because I don’t remember them, and you’ll find I can remember quite a bit. A year later, in July, my mother “yelled like crazy over paper bags”, and two days after that, “Mom said Daisy is her best daughter. We got into another fight.” Daisy was our poodle, by the by, and given to unprovoked attacks. So that was nice.

Boring! I can’t believe how often that word came up. I never use that word now - it just doesn’t enter into my life, at all. I always have big projects going, all three of us Noa girls do. My sister Lisa has a theory that we do it on purpose, so that we never feel bored. That our projects will never be finished so that we can stave off this mood that hung over us when we were kids. Like, I have my recipes and photos to organize, Christmas craft projects, a career to plan and a baby quilt to make. This way, I’m not bored, I’m just procrastinating. It feels better. There is anxiety, yes, but with boredom, it’s Despair. No?

Must dash - so many things to do.

Jenny