Talking Trash

A good romance novel is like nothing else in the world, and I’m tired of hiding my shame. Anyway I’m not alone. Romance fiction is a billion dollar a year industry. Obviously, it has something.

Actually, it has everything.

A plucky heroine, for one, and luckily they are all plucky, even if they don’t know it yet. It has him falling hard, though he never thought he would. It’s the thrill she gets when she makes him laugh – it’s special because he’s taciturn. It’s flowers, dancing, mystery and adventure, and sometimes even a trip back in time. But always, a happy ending. In Gone With the Wind, he leaves. That’s not romance. I’m supposed to sit through all the death and amputations and her potatoes to God, and he doesn’t give a damn? Well, me neither, pal.

Romance is finding a way to be together even when Forces are trying to keep them apart. Like her father insisting she marry that foppish baronet to save the family fortune. Sometimes the forces are internal - her hardheaded Irish stubbornness, or maybe he feels he’s betraying Evie, although it’s been years since the car accident (or whatever.) A good misunderstanding can work romantic wonders. Then there are mail order brides, nefarious enemies, saloon fights, and marriages of convenience. Just be careful not to get too bogged down with Plot - or worse, Historical Accuracy - and you’re there. There’s something for everyone.

My friend complains. “I’m not too thin, I’m not willowy. My hair doesn’t fall in riotous curls down my back. I don’t have a tilted nose or a stubborn chin…” She’s thinking it’s unrealistic. Well, duh. Do you really want a realistic romance? Here’s how that would go:

Bill undressed Phyllis, feeling a rush of desire when he learned that the elastic on her panties was just about shot….or…Karen looked up as the bathroom door opened and Jeff emerged. He’d been in there a long, long time.

Do yourself a favor. Visit a place where you are perfectly adored just as you are. Where there are no eyebrows to pluck, no morning breath and in the end, absolutely no financial worries. Where you can tell who is good and who is evil, and by golly, you actually get your happily ever after. I mean, sure, the real world may not ever be the same for you. But that’s okay. By the end of this year alone, there will be over 2000 new romances to choose from.

Love - the kind that lasts forever,
Jenny